I'm getting ready to go to bed and I'm thinking, yeah, I'm thinking again, watch out world. I need to be in love, I need to feel that again. But not rush it, have it be real and genuine. And everytime I feel like I might be able to get into a relationship or i might be interested in someone, not Love, but just enjoying spending time with someone, 'she' pops in. And if I somehow envoke her it will be all to real and weird. Why is it that I can't get past certain things. There have been many loves, and I've even told a few. I've been 'in love' and it was great, it was an awful long time ago now it seems, but it was love and it was great. And I've felt that since, not many time but a few. One was a mistake, but that was 3 years ago. But the odd thing is 2 of the loves cheated on me. It's tough to get past sometimes and it's scarred me I know it. But I've moved on and "loved", yes in quotes, again. I guess everything will pan out in the end and as always life will continue. I hear everyday that I'm a great guy with a great personality, a great sense of humor, & a great bod... ok, well, that last one I don't hear, but I do hear that I'm a beautiful man from a friend of mine, but he's just making me feel good. And they always say that she's out there and that I'll find her. I really don't know why this has been the topic of now two recent posts & will most likely continue to be a subject. Maybe this will as well become a spinoff blog. Hmm, one about Stuff, one about Tirades, and another about Relationships or lack there of. Well, this is the final post of the evening, I will ramble more later.
seen this way @ 1:15 AM EST by Sean
Warning!!! Below is a complete and utter rambling, possible incoherent mass. Remember, you've been warned! Maybe I'll change this to Sean's Rambling Life or Troubles in Life & Relationships. Well, read on if you dare, bum bum bummmmmmm...
Read on if you can get past the gramatical and whatever errors there may be.
Well, well, well bloggo's it's time for the monthly post... lol well that's about how regular it's been. You know, I sit here sometimes and I think about something that I should post, or just that I should get online and post something. But I just don't do it, don't ask me why, cause I really don't know, I'm not being mean or anything... well... yeah I am, remember I'm the big ASSHOLE... wait, who the bloody hell are you? That's not me. Anyway, back to the freaking post!!!
Let's see.. what has happened. Well the greatest music legend of all time died, as did a great actor. Rest in peace J. R. "Johnny" Cash and John Ritter. Hmm, 2 John's. Interesting, well not that they died, but that, ahh hell you all understand. Did any of you know that the Military doesn't accept Initials as a name, so Johnny Cash had to take the name John. Intersting tidbits that you learn in articles.
What else.. well, Matt had a party this past Friday and i brought a bottle of Tequila. I think it'll be awhile before I drink any more Tequila. I felt a spark with a girl and later in the evening we kissed and I don't do that normally. I've never 'hooked up' @ a party. Yeah, believe it. She's a great girl, and we have some stuff in common but I'm not sure what to do with this, it's been so long since I've done anything. Dating, whatever, anything! There's so much 'past' that exists for me. So many problems. So many issues. I just don't know what to do anymore. And since she knows my site, she's probably reading this right now, and I bet she thinks I'm crazy. Life is a very confusing world. With all my mam-bo-jam-bo talk about life, fate, destiny, and the whole shabang I never know what to do with anything or I never know what I want. And if there's an explanation, I'm still looking for it. I guess that part hasn't been written yet, or maybe my whole theory is a sham and I should re-think everything about it, me, and all kinds of stuff. So blog fans, Sean is a very confused individual. He doesn't know what to do about anything, what's new, right? I'd like to see her again and I'd like to see where time could take us. I guess life wouldn't be life if it weren't complicated. It sends us things that we shouldn't dodge, but hits us upside the head when we're least expecting it. And sometimes we dodge when we shouldn't and never look back, while other times all we can do is look back think of all the could'ves, and should'ves and definitely the would'ves. thanks to matt for the line. So maybe I am neurotic, or something. We're always 'something'. And always someplace. Wow this post went from 0 to philosophic in 3.4 sec. Fuck, sometimes I wish things inside my head were easier to figure out. Sometimes I wonder why I run a lot & where it is that I run/ran to. I guess I always fall back to the scary possible reality of spending the rest of my life alone, maybe that's what I'm suppose to do, but I don't want to, so I do what I've always done, and take fate or destiny, or wtf ever it is and steer it in the right direction by making choices, by choosing to do things. And as it is said we are creatures of our own making, or something of the sort. And now that have spilled out a lot of things and I've thought about deleting this post and re-doing it many of times now, I'll try and wrap it up, in it's whole, no deletions.
What an odd post, not the type of post I had in mind when I sat down to write it. But not a bad post though. Got some things out in the open and said some things that I haven't said to myself in a while or ever in some cases. There's still tons left inside this sealed box that I call my life and maybe someday I'll feel right about letting the rest out. From life's start, conception, birth, whatever it may be and until life's end(death of course), we're along for this great ride where we create a timeless place and carve out a timeless space for ourselves that it totally unique to that one person. Yet it intermixes and intertwines with others and we leave our mark on them and they leave their mark on us. Some marks are scars and some heal those scars, yet others are just small pencil marks in the margins of our lives. I'll leave this post now, only to hope that it will be read by the web community and become a mark in others lives. As for now, that's how I see it, so good night bloggers & bloggettes wherever you are.
seen this way @ 11:15 PM EST by Sean
Monday, September 08, 2003
So, i 'm sitting here watching tv this fine monday evening, nbc if you must know, it's the only channel I can get in with my antenna. And it's "For Love or $$2". Hey when it's the only channel you can get you start watching things just because they're on. Any way, back on topic with this: RANT/Tirade time!!!
OK, so I'm watching tv and this Hyundai(I'm on their website right now and after clicking 80 TIMES!! I got to their USA page) commercial came on, and this is like the 12th time I've seen it, not tonight but in all, and they're selling their "America's Best Warranty" the Hyundai Advantage or whatever... So people, QUIZ TIME who can spell AMERICA phoeneticly. Well we know one person who missed class that day, good ole president G. dub'ya! Who insists that it's said A-mer-ika. And how do you think the car ad said it? Just like good ole dub'ya! Now everybody out there knows what I'm talking about that damn way that that man says everything, he has no idea how to pro-nunc-i-ate anything!!! GAHHHHH And then the car commercial uses it!!! What is this country coming to? I didn't die for this country, duhh, but I had some family members that did, the least we can do is say the name correctly!!
Well, thats been a while. The last one I remember doing was about fries! So, i'll try to find something to rant about more often, maybe that could be a blog spinnoff, hmmm, keep an eye on this on, if it becomes a link, my plans were a sucess and a new breed of blogs will be created. Oh and he's an open call, and I'll get a pic up somewhere so all those ladies out there can find me. I'm single, and have been single for a while, I haven't dated, been in a relationship, anything for a fair amount of time now. So maybe I'm not doing the right things, and I haven't really ever been this blunt about it. So, hey, if any of you are out there let me know. Maybe I'll get a date now, even if it is just an onlline date. Christ what am I doing!
Click to date SEAN
seen this way @ 10:10 PM EST by Sean
Man I hate being on Dial-up. I need to make more money so I can afford Cable Internet. So I guess I lied and didn't update more like I promised I would. But here, here's a post. So I sat around all day today, after doing laundry, and watched Jerry Lewis's MDA Telethon. Some of those stories were just heart wrenching. Now, I'm sure you're all, all 2 of you, are wondering why I would spend all day doing that. Well, I worked shitty hours all last week and the thought of having a few days off sounded great!!! And it's a great cause. My heart goes out to all the families who have to deal with Neuro-Muscular Diseases. So all I did was lay around a relax. This has been Rush week at work. And man oh man did I rake in the O.T.!! I also got a chance to work the football game last Thursday. That was an interesting time. I got to drink beer and have fun on the clock. Even the owner of the store came out before the game and gave me some beer. I got to drive his new Jeep Liberty around all day and evening and I put in 14 hours straight, SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!! It's been a crazy few weeks but it's been great, and the money has made it worth it all. The game was great NIU beat Maryland 20-13 in a perfect nail biter opener to the season. I wish I could have seen the whole thing but I got to listen to it on the radio. Nothing else really new here, just working right now. Plans to go back to school have hit a brick wall but I have been chipping away at the mortar and a few bricks have been removed. With all luck I'll attend the Comm. College up here in the spring and get my GPA up to start NIU next fall. Well I think that'll be it for now, it's time to finish watching the news/grab a shower, catch Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien and then to bed to start the day @ good ole VCB tomorrow!! G'night werld!!!
seen this way @ 11:18 PM EST by Sean