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Tuesday, September 23, 2003


Well, well, well bloggo's it's time for the monthly post... lol well that's about how regular it's been. You know, I sit here sometimes and I think about something that I should post, or just that I should get online and post something. But I just don't do it, don't ask me why, cause I really don't know, I'm not being mean or anything... well... yeah I am, remember I'm the big ASSHOLE... wait, who the bloody hell are you? That's not me. Anyway, back to the freaking post!!!

Let's see.. what has happened. Well the greatest music legend of all time died, as did a great actor. Rest in peace J. R. "Johnny" Cash and John Ritter. Hmm, 2 John's. Interesting, well not that they died, but that, ahh hell you all understand. Did any of you know that the Military doesn't accept Initials as a name, so Johnny Cash had to take the name John. Intersting tidbits that you learn in articles.

What else.. well, Matt had a party this past Friday and i brought a bottle of Tequila. I think it'll be awhile before I drink any more Tequila. I felt a spark with a girl and later in the evening we kissed and I don't do that normally. I've never 'hooked up' @ a party. Yeah, believe it. She's a great girl, and we have some stuff in common but I'm not sure what to do with this, it's been so long since I've done anything. Dating, whatever, anything! There's so much 'past' that exists for me. So many problems. So many issues. I just don't know what to do anymore. And since she knows my site, she's probably reading this right now, and I bet she thinks I'm crazy. Life is a very confusing world. With all my mam-bo-jam-bo talk about life, fate, destiny, and the whole shabang I never know what to do with anything or I never know what I want. And if there's an explanation, I'm still looking for it. I guess that part hasn't been written yet, or maybe my whole theory is a sham and I should re-think everything about it, me, and all kinds of stuff. So blog fans, Sean is a very confused individual. He doesn't know what to do about anything, what's new, right? I'd like to see her again and I'd like to see where time could take us. I guess life wouldn't be life if it weren't complicated. It sends us things that we shouldn't dodge, but hits us upside the head when we're least expecting it. And sometimes we dodge when we shouldn't and never look back, while other times all we can do is look back think of all the could'ves, and should'ves and definitely the would'ves. thanks to matt for the line. So maybe I am neurotic, or something. We're always 'something'. And always someplace. Wow this post went from 0 to philosophic in 3.4 sec. Fuck, sometimes I wish things inside my head were easier to figure out. Sometimes I wonder why I run a lot & where it is that I run/ran to. I guess I always fall back to the scary possible reality of spending the rest of my life alone, maybe that's what I'm suppose to do, but I don't want to, so I do what I've always done, and take fate or destiny, or wtf ever it is and steer it in the right direction by making choices, by choosing to do things. And as it is said we are creatures of our own making, or something of the sort. And now that have spilled out a lot of things and I've thought about deleting this post and re-doing it many of times now, I'll try and wrap it up, in it's whole, no deletions.

What an odd post, not the type of post I had in mind when I sat down to write it. But not a bad post though. Got some things out in the open and said some things that I haven't said to myself in a while or ever in some cases. There's still tons left inside this sealed box that I call my life and maybe someday I'll feel right about letting the rest out. From life's start, conception, birth, whatever it may be and until life's end(death of course), we're along for this great ride where we create a timeless place and carve out a timeless space for ourselves that it totally unique to that one person. Yet it intermixes and intertwines with others and we leave our mark on them and they leave their mark on us. Some marks are scars and some heal those scars, yet others are just small pencil marks in the margins of our lives. I'll leave this post now, only to hope that it will be read by the web community and become a mark in others lives. As for now, that's how I see it, so good night bloggers & bloggettes wherever you are.

seen this way @ 11:15 PM EST by Sean

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